The Great Pause

Back in January, I wrote a post called Presence and I talked about how, in the age of technology, smartphones, and social media, it is so important for us to put those things away at times and be physically present with others. The irony is that, less than two months after I wrote that, our world is in a place where those technologies are the only things allowing us to connect with others and maintain some level of presence.

My appreciation for these technologies has grown substantially in the past three weeks because, despite having not left the house in a month except to get food, I have been able to stay relatively connected to many of the people I care about. I've been able to continue doing my job (sort of) supporting students and helping them learn even when they cannot go to school. I've played some of my favorite games on video chats with friends. I've attended virtual meetings for groups and clubs that I am part of - classes that I wouldn't have had time to attend during my normally busy schedule. I've been able to stay in contact with my exchange student even though he is back in Spain and thousands of miles away. Although these interactions are not the same as being physically present, I cannot imagine how much harder the past three weeks would have been if we were completely isolated without those technologies.

I've written a few posts about the coronavirus epidemic already. I've reflected on how this time has forced us to slow down and how that's a good thing. I've realized the importance of checking in with others, even if it's just a quick message to let them know you're thinking about them. And I've realized how much I take things for granted.

The next step for me is deciding how I want to come out of this situation. We cannot get back the last two months of our lives or the things we missed out on, but this interruption is a great opportunity to reset and to do things differently going forward.

Several of my friends have shared this article from Forge by Julio Vincent Gambuto that describes this very opportunity. Here is my favorite part:

From one citizen to another, I beg of you: take a deep breath, ignore the deafening noise, and think deeply about what you want to put back into your life. This is our chance to define a new version of normal, a rare and truly sacred (yes, sacred) opportunity to get rid of the bullshit and to only bring back what works for us, what makes our lives richer, what makes our kids happier, what makes us truly proud. We get to Marie Kondo the shit out of it all. We care deeply about one another. That is clear. That can be seen in every supportive Facebook post, in every meal dropped off for a neighbor, in every Zoom birthday party. We are a good people. And as a good people, we want to define — on our own terms — what this country looks like in five, 10, 50 years. This is our chance to do that, the biggest one we have ever gotten. And the best one we’ll ever get.

My fear is that we won't take the opportunity; that I won't take the opportunity.

It is so much easier, and more comfortable, to go back to exactly the way things were. We can simply put our blinders back on and only choose to see the things we want to see. We can fill our calendars back up with our business (and busy-ness), go back to our routine of convenience, and kick the can further down the road when it comes to dealing with global, and personal, issues.

There are some glimmers of hope, though.

Maybe congress passing a $2.2 trillion relief bill almost unanimously is a sign that we (liberals and conservatives) still have some things in common; that taking care of each other is more important than getting what we want.

Maybe the improvement to the air and water quality in many cities and carbon emissions at their lowest point in years as a result of us all staying home and shutting things down for a while is the catalyst we needed to start taking better care of our planet.

Maybe I'm naive.

On a personal level, I need to use the time I have remaining stuck inside to consider what I will do differently; to decide what I want to put back in my life, and what I want to leave out. I need to figure out what things make me happy and give me purpose, and what things just keep me busy.

Here are some things I know are in the first category:

1) Visiting with my family. I've been at my parents' house for the longest amount of time since graduating high school which I didn't expect to happen. I've made the cookies that my mom taught me how to make in middle school (yes, the Nestle Tollhouse recipe). I've done the dishes, "debated" with my sister, watched some Jeopardy, and played way too many rounds of cards. I've even had a chance to go through old photos and other things from my childhood. I can't take for granted that I had the option to do this rather than sit at home by myself. I missed out on visiting my other sister and her family last month, but that will happen soon enough.

2) My job. Middle school kids are a fun, unique, and insightful bunch. I didn't realize how much I get from being in the presence of their awkwardness until now when my interactions are only through emails and virtual classrooms. I certainly don't feel like I make a profound impact on kids everyday in my job but, on the days when I get to leave school knowing that I helped a student navigate this tough stage in life, it definitely gives me a sense of purpose.

3) Investing in others. Being a mentor with Big Brothers Big Sisters is one way I can continue to do this. I stopped leading Young Life this year which was a good decision for me, but I knew that I needed to find a new way to invest myself in others. Hosting an exchange student this year was that opportunity. I knew going into it that it was only for 10 months and I wasn't sure how it would feel to say goodbye. Having that time cut short because of the coronavirus made it even tougher. The eight months that Ramón and I did have were so much fun, though. I got a small glimpse into being a parent and all of the things that come with it. Although it was only 8 months, it was well worth it. I have agreed to host another student next year and I am both nervous and excited.

4) Friends. This is an area that I need to focus on. I realize that I have kept myself so busy with other things for many years that I have failed to maintain some important friendships.

5) A cause. Over the past few years, I have learned a lot about climate change and other impacts that we as humans are having on our planet. It seems like such a daunting task to try and address it, but I know that, at the very least, there are many small things I can do to reduce my impact. If I'm going to continue investing in the next generation, it would be hypocritical of me to not at least try to live more sustainably and leave the planet a little bit better for them.

We're at a turning point. What we do with it is up to us, individually and collectively.

Also from Julio Vincent Gambuto:

Well, the treadmill you’ve been on for decades just stopped. Bam! And that feeling you have right now is the same as if you’d been thrown off your Peloton bike and onto the ground: What in the holy fuck just happened? I hope you might consider this: What happened is inexplicably incredible. It’s the greatest gift ever unwrapped. Not the deaths, not the virus, but The Great Pause.