The Irony of Intimacy

Reposted from March 21, 2011

I, like most people, don’t always want others to know everything about me. I’m afraid that, if people get too close, they will see my flaws and not like me anymore. I think this is one of the most common fears of all humanity.

Over the past couple of months, I have had some amazing conversations with some of the people I care about the most. I’ve gotten to know some people really well and I’ve taken some superficial relationships to a deeper level. In the process, I’ve learned some hard things. I see that other people have shortfalls and that they screw up often. Sometimes big. I’ve learned that people are not always honest, even when you think they are. I’ve heard nasty rumors that occasionally turn out to be true. I’ve seen others get “caught” in their mess and suffer the consequences.

Here is the part that surprises me: when I learn about other people’s mistakes, poor choices, failures, and flaws, I don’t like them less. In fact, when others’ shortcomings are exposed, it makes me want to know them even more. I won’t lie and say that I don’t get angry or frustrated sometimes, but in the end, I find that seeing others’ brokenness makes me want to love them more.

When I was growing up, I had a “My Buddy” doll. The pocket on his overalls was sewn upside down. This was clearly a mistake that was overlooked in the factory. The funny thing is that this particular doll was probably more valuable than others with the pocket sewn on the right way. And, I wouldn’t have traded that doll for any other, even though it was messed up. The flaw, the “mistake” on the My Buddy doll is what made it unique and is the reason why I liked it more than the others.

I don’t like seeing other people mess up. It’s hard to see somebody you love fall. However, if truly knowing somebody’s heart means knowing the bad parts, too, then I wouldn’t trade that for the world. The best relationships come from knowing the best and the worst in another person.

For those of you whom I have had the chance to get to know well, I am grateful that you are willing to share your lives, even the ugly parts. I want to celebrate with you when life is good, but I also want to cry with you when life is hard. If nothing else, I can be the one to say “me too”.