Give and Take: Reflections on 2021

Some of my favorite blog posts have been from New Years Eve/Day the past two years. If you'd like, you can read them here and here.

I feel a need to reflect once again.

The year 2021 had its ups and downs. It was nothing like 2020, and nothing like the years before. It was a year of give and take.

We started by giving the new year a chance to reset things. A chance to go back to "normal" after the hardest year. The year of COVID. I had my chance to take the first dose of the vaccine on January 30th, earlier than most. I felt lucky and hopeful - I still do. Knowing that many around the world still haven't had that opportunity reminds me of the privilege I have of living in the United States.

Unfortunately, some of the pride I have for this country was taken on January 6th when politics and extremism brought out the worst in some at our nation's capital. I hate knowing that our country is so divided. I hate seeing how a virus - a common enemy that can and should have united us in our resolve - has only widened the gap between groups in our country.

This year took away many of the restrictions that created so much separation and isolation in 2020. School looks a bit more normal. Events that were canceled in 2020 started to happen again. I was finally able to see my sister and her family (and meet my nephew in person).

My first experience of being back in a large crowd was at the MLB Home Run Derby at Coors Field. I felt a mix of nervousness and excitement. I was unmasked and felt exposed, but the energy of the place and the chance to see so many people's faces (not on a screen) and have this common experience helped me forget about COVID, if only for a couple of hours.

2021 gave me opportunity to travel again. In June, I spent time on two different rivers with students once again and experienced the thrill of rafting through some of the most beautiful places. I flew on a plane again for the first time since 2019 when we rafted down the Wild and Scenic Rogue River. When we arrived in Oregon, the 115 degree heat gave me a reminder of the reality of climate change. Shortly after our trip, massive wildfires in California and Oregon carried smoke to Colorado to again remind us that our planet is hurting. Unfortunately, the year ended with another reminder of this reality when two Colorado towns were taken by fire. I hope that 2022 will give us a chance to start living more sustainably. If it does, I hope we heed the opportunity.

In March, my four-legged friend Simon was taken after quickly succumbing to kidney disease. It was another loss that only compounded the damage of 2020. I couldn't stand to be in a state of mourning for long, though, and I had the chance to give Calypso a new home. She's not Simon, but I love her own unique style of playfulness and affection.

This school year has given me the chance to host another exchange student. I couldn't have asked for a better student than Emil. We've already had many adventures and we are looking forward to more in the second half of his exchange year. I appreciate his positivity and enthusiasm. Having him here has, in large part, redeemed what otherwise would have been another very challenging year.

2021 has given and taken so many other things as, I suppose, every year does. Several mass shootings that were way too close to home - in Boulder, Olde Town Arvada, and Lakewood - took the lives of community members, police officers, and others. This year gave our country a new president who has set a very different tone than the last president. The last day of the year took Betty White, the brilliant actress and comedian who was weeks away from being 100 years old. If I live to be 100 (or even 99), I hope that I have the same spirit and energy that she did until the end.

What I'm learning is that it's unfair to wholly categorize a year as "good" or "bad". There were a number of very difficult times in 2021 and just as many amazing experiences, too. We all know how challenging 2020 was. In retrospect, it has allowed me to enjoy the better parts of 2021 more than I would have otherwise. In the words of Alan Watts, "if, then, we are to be fully human and fully alive and aware, it seems that we must be willing to suffer for our pleasures."

Like every year, I have no idea what 2022 will bring, and that's okay. It will be another year of give and take, of good and bad, and I will do my best to be present for each part.

Happy New Year.

Man's Best Friend

First, let me say, it's not just dogs...

I was at the vet with my cat Simon yesterday for the third time in as many months. When I took him in for a well-check in January, I found out that he has chronic kidney disease (which is common in older cats) that will eventually be fatal. I was told that he could live with it for a few months to several years.

Anybody who has ever had a pet knows the value of their companionship. That has been especially true in the last year as we deal with the COVID pandemic. While a cat or dog isn't a substitute for human connection, they are far better at some things than many humans. They show unconditional, non-judgmental acceptance. They're great listeners and trustworthy confidants. This makes it all the more difficult when a pet is sick.

As I waited in the parking lot at the vet for my appointment (customers can't go inside because of COVID), I saw a number of families drop off and pick up their dogs and cats. I was fascinated at how well some of the animals matched their owners. I wondered why each person was there - some likely just getting a vaccine or a physical exam. At one point, though, a family of four came out - a mom, dad, and a teenaged son and daughter. They came out of the clinic without an animal and I watched as the mom wiped tears from her eyes. The only time humans are allowed inside right now is when a pet is being euthanized. I wondered what family member they had just lost. Maybe the dog that the kids got as a puppy and grew up with? I remembered losing my family's black lab, Onyx.

I wish our pets could outlive us to spare the grief we feel each time this happens. I suppose it would only be selfish to ask our pets to maintain that level of loyalty for longer than they already do.

The Day I Brought Simon Home

I adopted Simon from the Humane Society the day after Thanksgiving in 2014. According to his microchip, he was already six years old when he was found as a stray. I've always wondered what the first six years of his life were like and what happened to his first owner(s).

When I went inside the Humane Society, Simon immediately caught our attention because of his playfulness and personality. I've always said that he acts more like a dog than a cat. I taught him how to give me a high five to get a treat. He often greets me at the front door with a meow when I come home from work. He loves to get into cabinets and chew on things he shouldn't (mostly plastic bags for some reason).

In the last week, Simon's health declined. He stopped eating for a few days and I wasn't seeing his playful, curious personality.

While I waited in my car last night, the doctor finally came out and told me that Simon's kidneys are failing and it's time to consider letting him go.

Today was my last day with Simon. When we got home last night, I spoiled him with a bunch of treats and a bowl of milk. He slept next to me last night, as usual. He ate some food this morning and sat with me on the couch. This afternoon, I could tell he was in pain. It was clear that I needed to say goodbye.

Every time he would perk up or do something that reminded me of his usual self, I couldn't help but second guess myself. I got to hold him in the clinic, though, as I watched him pass peacefully.  It truly was peaceful as I felt sadness and relief for him at the same time.

I'll miss coming home to him every day but I am forever thankful that I found him before somebody else did on that day in November.

I love you Simon.

Birds of a Feather

"You can observe a lot by just watching." One of Yogi Berra's famous quips.

With the weather being unseasonably nice last week and being home before it gets dark (thanks to remote schooling again), I was able to continue my evening walks that I started last summer to help lift my spirits through this pandemic. On a few of those walks, there were hundreds - if not thousands - of geese in and around the pond that I frequent.

I see geese all the time but I've never really watched their behavior very closely until this week. They caught my attention when a few of them dropped from the sky to land in the pond right in front of me. I was fascinated with how skilled they were at maneuvering through the air. Their wings curved toward the ground to slow themselves down and their webbed feet popped out right as they touched down on the water. They reminded me of 747s at the airport with their flaps down as the landing gear extends and the plane gently rolls across the runway. I used to listen to the air traffic at the airport on my dad's scanner and I learned about how the runways have different numbers depending on which way the planes approach. That depends on the direction of the wind. As the next group of geese came in for a landing, I noticed that they, too, circled around the pond before they all landed in the same direction - using the wind to ensure a smooth and steady approach. I suppose they learned that trick long before the Wright brothers.

To think that we as humans are able to fly - albeit with the help of aluminum and some jet fuel - because somebody took time to observe the birds. How many other things might we discover if we were to stop and look? I think of our current situation with the coronavirus pandemic. Because people have taken the time to observe and understand how our immune system works and learned to replicate it in a lab, we will likely have a vaccine in the near future that will allow us to return to normal and save many lives. 

Last week, I attended an online class through Audubon about Aldo Leopold. He was known for his love of nature and his most famous book is mostly a collection of his observations. I decided to follow his example and watch the geese for a while longer. As I did, my head filled with questions. I noticed as dozens more geese flew overhead that only a few of them dropped out and landed in the pond. Why did those individuals join the group in the water while the rest continued on? Were they planning to catch up with the other group later or was that they last time they would ever fly with those particular geese? Were all of the geese in the area part of a larger group that would eventually reconvene and move on to the next stop or do they move from group to group as they please? As the new geese landed in the pond, none of the others protested. They continued on in search for food or perhaps just resting their wings for the next long flight. When another group few overhead, the honks would get louder and I wondered what they were communicating.

It's difficult to not put our human thoughts and emotions on animals. I suppose the geese's primary concern is survival, especially in November when food is scarce and the weather can turn at any moment. But, I couldn't help wondering if we could learn something from their interactions. The geese accepted newcomers each time they arrived and they didn't exclude the geese who looked different
(contrary to the story of the ugly duckling). Yesterday, there was one goose that stuck out like a sore thumb. Its feathers were mostly white, probably a result of leucism (a genetic mutation that causes a lack of pigmentation), but it swam around with the others like it was no big deal. When the geese fly, they take turns leading their V formation so that the others can fly in their draft, conserve energy, and communicate. Their instincts and their natural behaviors help each other to survive and to thrive.

At one point, hundreds of geese in the field nearby took off simultaneously and started flying in the same direction. There was a symphony of honking as they circled around and flew toward the mountains. What made them decide to go at that moment? How did they all know? Was there a leader, or group of leaders, who made the decision? Where were they going next?

This year has forced me to slow down. It's helped me to notice more and to ask more questions. That's the best way to learn.

I encourage you slow down this week and look more closely at the world around you. It has a lot to teach us.