Right This Moment

Tomorrow and plans for tomorrow can have no significance at all unless you are in full contact with the reality of the present, since it is in the present and only in the present that you live. -Alan Watts

I attended a day-long professional development on Friday for all of the school counselors in my school district. I was expecting to gain some resources for helping my students (which I did), but I was not expecting to be challenged personally in the process.

Our keynote speaker gave a couple of presentations throughout the day, one of which was on the topic of anxiety. This is something that my colleagues and I see with students on a daily basis. It is no wonder, though, with the pressures and expectations that our students face – many of which did not exist when I was in middle and high school.

I have never particularly struggled with anxiety. At least, not with more than the things that would typically (and should) cause anxiety. I have always valued in myself the ability to stay calm in most situations and to have an easy-going personality. However, a few weeks ago was an exception for me. On several occasions, for the whole day, I felt a sort of underlying uneasiness, but I wasn’t really able to pinpoint the source. I felt it both physically and psychologically and I wasn’t able to get the feeling to pass. This is where the presentation on Friday struck a chord with me. One of the first things Nick (the presenter) said was that emotions really only last a maximum of 90 seconds. After that, everything we experience is our thoughts and the narrative we create about our emotions. I believe he took this claim from Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor who studies chemical reactions in the brain and the effects they have on us. When I thought about this idea, something clicked. I realized that the uneasiness I felt in the weeks before was lingering mostly because of the thoughts I had about it. My mind was in the future – wondering if this feeling would go away and worried about what was to come.

Anxiety – or at least a healthy dose of anxiety – has a purpose. Our discomfort is what causes us to move. It’s like sitting on a rock. It’s only comfortable for so long, but eventually I’m forced to shift. I talked in my last posts about recent changes in my world and wondering what is next and I believe those are the source of some of my discomfort. Although it’s hard to step into that discomfort, it’s ultimately what allows me to grow.

The other thing about anxiety is that it’s usually an indicator of future thinking. On Friday, Nick recommended several readings by Alan Watts so, naturally, I had to check him out. The quote above stuck with me because I realized that I often rob myself of happiness because I’m worried about the future. We can only live in the present and, if we try to live elsewhere, we will miss out on what’s here and what’s now. Being mindful and being grateful help us to be present. Each morning at work, we take the time to do a “1-5 check in”. Each person shares our current state of wellbeing on a scale of 1-5. I like this practice because it has helped me to realize that, more often than not, things are okay.

I want to keep learning how to live in the present. I saw a quote from a friend on social media recently from Lao Tzu: “if you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” While that may be a bit over-simplified, it often rings true for me. We shouldn’t forget the past, especially the good things, and we shouldn’t fail to prepare for the future. But let’s learn to live in the present and to take it all in.

A Way of Travel

Remember that happiness is a way of travel – not a destination.

-Roy M. Goodman

October, which has been for several years my least favorite month, has just ended. I don’t exactly know why October is so difficult for me. There have been a few negative experiences in October that have contributed to it but, on a bigger scale, October represents for me the end of summer, cold weather, less daylight, and less travel. It signals the beginning of the long winter where restlessness and loneliness can so easily creep up. The leaves have fallen, the birds have gone to warmer climates, and it’s harder to spend time outside. For the next several months, I will be forced to slow down. My biggest travels will be wherever my mind takes me and, while not a bad thing, my wanderlust will likely emerge.

I’ve had the opportunity to experience several new places in the past couple of years: Barcelona in 2017, Costa Rica in 2018, and this year Belize, the Rogue River and Oregon Coast, and Hawaii. These trips have confirmed my suspicions that I feel at home in tropical, biologically diverse places. Nothing makes me more excited than to walk through a rainforest or along a sandy beach, camera in hand, looking for the next critter to show its face. Don’t get me wrong, Colorado has more than its fair share of beauty and adventure but, given the choice, I’d rather be exploring a rainforest or coral reef.

So, here we are. It’s November and, rather than packing for the next trip, I’m drinking coffee on the couch while the sun struggles to melt the snow from last week’s storm. I realize, though, that I like the comfort of my couch, too. Being home is nice. I’m able to relax and reflect and I don’t have to be anywhere. I can choose to be content, happy even, in this moment, knowing that the next adventure will come soon enough.

Ramon and I are taking a road trip to the Grand Canyon and a few other National Parks during the Thanksgiving break and I am excited for us to see new places and experience the American West. It’s fun having him with me this year and realizing that there is plenty of adventure in my own backyard.

Next summer, I have the opportunity to go back to Australia and to see New Zealand for the first time. I think that I first caught the travel bug when I got to visit Australia in high school and see a rainforest and coral reef for the first time. Before that, it almost seemed as if those things were imaginary. Maybe those who live on flat land feel the same about the mountains. I’ve seen the Grand Canyon once before, briefly, and I remember my disbelief with how large it is. I imagine I’ll have the same feeling again later this month.

Although the places I’ve visited have brought me much joy and amazement, I know that they are not the source of happiness. For me, travel and adventure brings life. For others, a lazy day at home is the best way to spend time. I’m learning to appreciate both. I know that it is difficult to experience happiness all of the time but, the more we can learn to appreciate the slow seasons in life, the more enjoyment I think we will find.