If you’ve followed me on social media for a while, you know that I used to write blog posts occasionally (originally on MySpace to give you an idea of timing). I’ve been processing a lot of things lately and I’ve been wanting to start writing again. I’ve always liked writing and, when I do, it helps me to process and to better understand myself. I always like to hear others’ perspectives, too, so I’m making it public.
Anybody who has known me for a while knows that I like to keep busy. I’m always up for trying something new. Whether it’s having multiple side jobs, going back to school (again), volunteering at yet another place, traveling, or pursuing a new interest or hobby, I’ve always got more than a few plates spinning. And, while I’ve experienced some of the typical big transitions in life (going to college, getting a first job, living on my own, changing jobs), I’ve felt lately that I’m in another transition period and that’s what’s been making me think (and eager to write).
In May, I stepped down from being a volunteer Young Life leader after 16 years of mentoring middle school kids. While I am completely confident that was the right decision for me, it sparked a thought in me of “now what?” Young Life requires a large time commitment so parting ways has freed up my calendar significantly. Fast forward three months and I welcomed my Spanish high school exchange student, Ramon. I am really enjoying the experience, the great conversations we’ve had, and the fun things we’ve done so far. I feel lucky that we have clicked and I’m learning the new role of being a “parent”, even if it is only for 10 months. I’ve also been a mentor (Big Brother) for two and a half years and it’s been fun getting to know my Little Brother and see him mature into now a high school student.
It wasn’t until after these recent changes that I realized how comfortable I had been.
The last time I felt the uneasiness of a big transition was when I started working at a new school. I had to take a risk and trust that it was time for me to move on. I didn’t know if my new job would be permanent or if I’d be happy when I got there (I am, by the way). That was over four years ago and this has now become the longest that I’ve worked in the same school. I’ve settled in and things are comfortable. It’s so easy to want to leave them that way and not stir things up.
I’ve heard the words risk and vulnerability used in a few different settings lately and, in my job as a school counselor, I’ve been talking to a lot to kids about managing stress and anxiety. I just finished reading the book iGen that describes the most recent trends of teenagers – one of the biggest being the amount of time spent on devices and social media, and the consequences that result. Kids are feeling more disconnected from others and depression, anxiety, and loneliness are going up in many cases. I agree that this trend is happening and I’ve seen it firsthand, but I believe it’s happening to adults, too. Genuine, intimate, face to face relationships seem harder to come by. It’s so much easier to keep people at an arm’s length (or screen’s length I suppose). It requires less risk, but it offers less reward.
The recent changes in my life have forced me to think about my relationships. Many of the people I’ve spent the most time with over the past several years are connections through Young Life. Now, having stepped away from that, I’ve had to be intentional about staying connected with some, reconnecting with others, and making new connections. As an introvert, I’m not one to let people in easily. If the relationship feels shallow or inauthentic, I won’t spend much time working on it. While I value that trait in myself, it certainly makes for a smaller social circle. I love having deep, meaningful conversations with friends and I want to do the counseling, parenting, and mentoring thing “right”. Those things require risk and they can be uncomfortable, but I love when I get to experience the pay offs of taking those risks.
The “now what?” question that has been on my mind is a bit of a source of anxiety. I don’t know what will be next for me. I don’t plan to go to school again. I’m not doing Young Life anymore. My exchange student will be gone at the end of the school year. I know that I need to live in the present and I know that worry doesn’t change anything. I am thankful for what I have now and lucky for the opportunities I’ve had and am having.
I need to take to heart what I told a friend earlier today: keep pressing in.
My discomfort is pushing me to act and to risk. That’s a good thing.
Here’s to what’s next.
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